So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize