Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
