Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
