i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
