I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
