You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
