Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He felt like a one man threesome
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
