omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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