o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
