KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
