Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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