): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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