I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
