I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
honey bunches of taint.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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