Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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