So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
