and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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