Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
