this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize