he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
