it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
