where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
