So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
