I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
