Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
