just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
