I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
