if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
