i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
