So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
