I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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