I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You smell like stripper and shame
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
