is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize