three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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