if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
