drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
