Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
