the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i will never coherently bang her
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
