Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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