Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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