he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
