I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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