So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
