I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
