update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
