she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
