this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
