just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
