Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
