when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
