I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
