Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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