Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize