I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
