i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
