Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
