how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
