how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
