He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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