she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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