well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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