I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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