He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
