yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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