his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
