I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
