She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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