My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
