I hate your face
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
